I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
