I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
