New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
