That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
