OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
