he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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