Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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