The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
