I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
