so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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