Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am midnight drunk by noon
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
