just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
