I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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