Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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