This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
