The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
