Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize