I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
