so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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