I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
