I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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