a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want nice things and good sex
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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