I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
