Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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