I am puke
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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