She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
