Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Couch. On fire.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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