at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
