um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
