Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
