I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
