I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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