I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
