the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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