We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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