would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
