I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
