the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
