you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
