I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
