i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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