the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
