do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
