Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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