my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
