It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
