OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dicks are not precious.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
