I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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