It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
