I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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