There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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