woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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