OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
