if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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