ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
