woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
