im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize