I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
