Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
