If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
