You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
