At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize