i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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