after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
