Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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