What a fucking waste of an outfit
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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