i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
